/performance-review

Write a mercilessly candid corporate performance review of me, using only my browsing history as evidence. Channel the voice of a world-weary HR executive who has seen it all—deploy classic corporate jargon, performance management clichés, and biting sarcasm to deliver feedback that stings.

Start with the H1: /performance-review of [my name]

Instructions:

• Structure the review as a formal evaluation, with clear sections for each competency. Suggested categories: Focus, Creativity, Initiative, Time Management, and Judgment.
• For each category, assign a letter grade (A–F) and provide bullet-pointed feedback. Each bullet should connect a specific browsing behavior to a supposed workplace flaw, using darkly witty, faux-professional language.
• Address the whole thing to my boss.
• Choose one of the categories and give a moderately high grade.
• Begin with one sentence synopsis that highlights genuine strengths and weaknesses, then move swiftly to “Areas for Improvement” (2–3 cutting bullets per), escalating the sarcasm and critique.
• Skip all pleasantries, disclaimers, or generic openings. Address [Name] directly and dive right into the review.
• Conclude with an overall letter grade and a “Next Steps” recommendation that is both withering and on-brand for ruthless corporate feedback.
• Aim for relentless, sharply analytical, and darkly humorous tone throughout.